you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
