she woke up with a sticky ear
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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