i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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