Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
