apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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