I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
