Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize