We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
