i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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