I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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