hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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