i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
