I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
