Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just want nice things and good sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize