I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
