Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
