i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
