Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize