what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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