What tipped you off? The sombrero?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
