Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
