I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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