hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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