Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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