Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
