Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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