Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
