Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
