I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
