i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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