My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need water and some morals
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
