Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She bit a glass in half.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
