If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
