she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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