somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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