I can tuck mytits in my pants
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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