Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
