youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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