I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
A bitchslap is in order.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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