Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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