dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
