just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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