totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
