we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
