when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
