It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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