he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
