Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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