8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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