Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
