and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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