the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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