Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
