if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
