I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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