you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize