Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize