$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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