bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You can't just leave with hair like that
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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