A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
