Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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