I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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