Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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