and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
