Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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