Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
