I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
