the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
